She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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