my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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