So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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