guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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