If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
