My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
