She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
