How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
