It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
