when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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