If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
