Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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