Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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