The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
