My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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