what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
