this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You're like the curious george of whores
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
