have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
