I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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