so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
