Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
