Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
