please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
