um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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