we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
