you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My dick has a subreddit
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
