if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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