the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
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