Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
