awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
