i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
