i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize