There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
