It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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