Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We need to rekindle our bromance
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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