How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
