What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
