quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
