so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
They have beer where we have blood.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
