And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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