I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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