Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize