bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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