Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
