id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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