I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
