It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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