My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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