Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize