dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
