I just cut my nipple shaving
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
