Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So vagazzling was a success
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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