I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
