You made me cry and you don't even care
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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