the new term for farting is butt boxing.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
