Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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