Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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