What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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