i just wanna soil my oats bro
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
