i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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