I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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