she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
