My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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