omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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