It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
