My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
