yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
