there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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