Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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