It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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