My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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