keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
