I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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