Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
