There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
