sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
