As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
