the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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