And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Less talking, more tequila
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
